Vampirism, or the practice of drinking human blood, dates all the way back to ancient Greece (even earlier, by some accounts). If you wish to become a bloodsucker, here’s some advice you can sink your teeth into.
STEP 1:Find another vampire and let him or her bite you. Employ the swiftest, easiest and most painful method.
STEP 2: Become an evildoer and die in a state of sin. Note, however, that this technique (which comes from France and Greece) is not very plausible; there would be millions of beasts roaming the streets as we speak.
STEP 3: Have an undead person gaze at your pregnant wife or yourself, if you happen to be expecting. Employing this method will not help you change into a vampire, but it may change your unborn into one.
STEP 4: Chronically lie to your parents or die without being baptized. (Note that these ways can’t be very credible either.)
STEP 5: Instruct your father to scream this at you in anger: “May the ground reject thee!” Having yourself cursed in this or another way by your parents could turn you into a fanged one after death.
STEP 6: Gobble up a sheep that was killed by a wolf and eventually, you’ll become a bloodsucker.
STEP 7: Travel back in time to the Greece of several centuries ago, where people who were excommunicated from the church were considered good vampire candidates.
STEP 8: Come down with chorea (a disease associated with uncontrolled twitching).
STEP 9: Ask your descendants to make a cat leap over your body when you’ve reached the hereafter.
Tips & Warnings
Remember not to smile too much once you’ve undergone your transformation. Be certain the unwitting aren’t forewarned by your fangs.